If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Michael Bay diarrhea
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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