Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
