You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
