I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I need to stop coming to work sober
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
