I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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