A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
