i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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