I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize