Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
