sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
