stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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