OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
