The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
