Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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