We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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