I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
