did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
