my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
