Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
from now on my penis is your penis
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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