ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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