you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
