How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
