I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just pee around me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
