who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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