ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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