I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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