I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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