# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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