tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize