I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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