he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
