Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
