so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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