I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
