Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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