The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
