Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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