i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The adults are the big ones right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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