I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
