I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
