'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
