Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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