I'm drive I can fine osifer
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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