I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
