oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
