You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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