hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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