Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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