I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
