Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
