I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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