at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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