did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize