What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
