i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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