Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
