Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
