I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
