Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
