Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
