what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
