It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
