I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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