So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize