I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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