Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
As shirtless as possible
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
