My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
