Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
